Undesired Rainbows
by meg596
Summary: I'm Sorry to tell you that heartbreak isn't the worst kind of heartbreak after all, the worst kind of love is the one that isn't reciprocated. *May contain homophobia*
1. Chapter 1

Riley didn't know when it first started, maybe when the triangle did, maybe it had always been there, either way she hadn't realised it until Lucas had finally chosen her. She had turned him down, he had gotten frustrated and everyone was confused. She laughed at them, she was more confused than anyone. How could this be? She liked Lucas, was willing to say she loved him so why was choosing him so difficult?. She wished her life could be easier, she wished this was just a 'phase' but she knew it wasn't, she had so much belief in 'true love' and especially in Lucas being the one that she couldn't see what was right in front of her and now she was risking everything.

The week after the ski lodge everyone was at school, Riley kept her head down, trying to remain calm. So, what she turned Lucas down, it wasn't like it was big news. Oh, how wrong she was, when she wandered into her History class everybody turned to look at her, she lowered her head and sat down. Her father walked in and looked at the class curiously but made no move to comment.  
"The slave trade" he said, writing it down on the board. He proceeded to explain how the slave trade started when Riley's phone buzzed, she looked down at it

 **Peaches – Hey, y u not spoken to me all wknd? Have I done something wrong?**

Riley turned to Maya and shook her head, Maya quickly typed a reply

 **Peaches – U wanna hang out after schl then? Not seen you since the lodge**

Riley replied, saying she was going to library to catch up on some homework and needed to think things through, Maya was going to reply when the bell rang and Riley grabbed her things before exiting the room, in the crowd she got lost. Maya turned to Lucas  
"Hey Ranger rick!" she yelled. Lucas turned to her  
"Yeah?"  
"Did you say anything to Riley when she turned you down?"  
"No, I just asked her why and she said something about misplaced feelings" then the Texan left the blonde to ponder why Riley had run away.

Riley had gone straight to her room, she had smiled at her mother of course, she had to avoid suspicion. As soon as she got there she flopped down on her bed. She had half a mind to just go to sleep but decided against it. Maybe she could text Evan, he did say that they should remain friends after all.

 **Riley – Hey Evan, I dunno whether you actually wanted me to message you or not but I figured I should**

 **Evan – Riley! So, good to hear from you, how is everything, how's Lucas? U 2 together?**

 **Riley – No… I thought that's what I wanted but I guess that I have no idea what I want anymore**

 **Evan – Maybe u want some1 else?**

 **Riley – Like who?**

 **Evan – That's for u to figure out Riley**

Riley sighed and threw her phone on the floor, the only problem was that the one person she thought she wanted was wrong for her, in every way.

For the next few weeks everything felt normal, despite the fact Lucas had been turned down by Riley they were still friends, awkward friends but friends nether the less. In fact, everyone thought things could go back to normal but Riley knew it couldn't. She knew now, for definite she was in love with Maya Hart and for the life of her she didn't know what to do. The feeling was so overwhelming and new that she didn't know how to cope, all her life she knew that Maya would be by her side and they would be forever friends but lovers? Now that was something she could not entertain. Maya was straight and not into Riley, never.

Riley watched Maya talk to Zay across the table, they seemed to be flirting and Riley was beginning to feel jealous. It was unreasonable she knew that. Maya wouldn't be so openly flirtatious if she knew Riley maybe liked her but Riley couldn't help feeling like she did. When Zay grabbed Maya's hand Riley stood up  
"Erm, I'm just going to go and grab my history book" they all nodded.

When she got to history she sat down quietly as her father began teaching more about the slave trade.  
"What were the slaves fighting for?" he asked,  
"They were fighting for who they were sir, they were fighting to be human, they were fighting for their right to survive and be human" Farkle answered. Corey smiled  
"How does that relate to today?" he asked. Smackle stared at Riley when she answered  
"We all have a fight to face Mr Matthews, some will fight more than others just like the slaves did. Now a days we fight for love, much like the LGBTQ fight for the right to love whoever they please or how we fight in wars to protect our country and those who can't be protected. We all have a fight, we may be more accepting of different people now but the fight is still there" Riley stared straight at the board, did Smackle know? How could she know? Riley didn't even know till after the lodge.

When the bell rang Smackle slipped a note onto Riley's table

 _Riley,_

 _Meet me in the library._

 _Smackle_

Riley looked to her father  
"Hey, dad, I'm going to be a little late home, Smackle wants to revise with me"  
"Why isn't she revising with Farkle? She usually does"  
"He had to go straight home to start on his science project." Corey eyed his daughter carefully  
"Okay, just text your mum and tell her you'll be home late" she nodded and kissed his cheek  
"Love you dad, see you later"

Riley wandered the barren corridors, she was glad that everyone had left because she could let her smile fade. She wanted to believe that she could fool Smackle but the girl was exceptionally smart and if she knew that Riley maybe gay then Riley was screwed.

When Riley eventually got to the library she found Smackle at the very back, sat on a dusty old table that looked about as old as the school itself. Riley sat across from her as the table creaked slightly.  
"You wanted to talk?" Riley asked. Smackle smiled  
"Riley, I don't really know how this goes, emotions and comfort are not as important to me and my Asperger's makes them hard to understand but I think I understand yours. You like Maya" she stated. Riley laughed nervously  
"Of course I do she's my friend Smackle"  
"You like, like her Riley" Riley stiffened  
"I don't know how I feel Smackle"  
"I understand"  
"You're the genius, can't you just cure me?" Riley pleaded. Smackle laughed  
"You have to understand Riley that if you are gay there is no cure, I believe in science yes but being gay is just as normal as being straight, there's nothing to cure because there's nothing wrong with you" Riley sighed  
"You can't tell anyone Smackle, I… I want to figure out if I'm gay or not first"  
"I promise" and then the girl left Riley at the table. Rile frowned and pulled out her phone before texting Evan again.  
 **Riley – What if the one I want is wrong for me?**

 **Evan – Y who do you want?**

 **Riley – Let's just say that I have a new appreciation for blondes :/**

 **Evan – I know**

 **Riley – U knew!**

 **Evan – I said all you talked about was your friends when we talked, I lied all you talked about was her**

 **Riley – Y did u try and get me and Lucas together then?**

 **Evan – 4 u 2 see u didn't love him, u loved her**

 **Riley – well thnx 4 telling me!**

Riley groaned, well it seemed that the two people who knew her least knew something was wrong with her, it would only be a matter of time until her closest friends would notice.


	2. Chapter 2

Maya knew something had changed between her and Riley, she didn't know to do about it though so she called the one person she thought could help. The observer. She called Joshua Matthews.

She sat in a secluded booth at Topanga's waiting for him, when he arrived he was out of breath and slightly dishevelled.  
"Sorry I'm late, last lesson ran longer than I thought it would" he explained, Maya smiled.  
"It doesn't matter, I'm just glad you came" she replied. When Josh got settled he waited for Maya to explain and explain she did. She explained how Riley had become subdued and how she seemed to be avoiding everyone. She told Josh how the only one she seemed to spend time with was Smackle  
"I just really miss my best friend Josh" her voice broke. Josh felt his heart swell  
"I'll go talk to her" he reassured her, picking up his things and kissing Maya on the cheek. It was unfortunate however that, that was the exact moment Riley walked into the bakery, she squeaked and Josh and Maya turned to look at her. They were still for a moment before Riley turned and all but ran out of the bakery, Josh ran after her and Maya stayed still in her seat.

Riley ran, she didn't know where she was running to but she still ran. She could hear her uncle calling her, she ignored him and turned into the park. Slowing down to a steady walk she began to catch her breath, unaware her uncle was currently behind her.  
"Hey Riley, are you okay?" he asked. She froze for a minute before replying  
"Yeah"  
"Then why did you run away?" he asked. She shrugged, maybe because she was totally in love with her best friend? She didn't say that however, she just stared at him.  
"Look, I think we should probably talk… I like her, I really like her Riley…. Please don't be weirded out, we aren't even dating. I want to wait for her Riley but… I know she was yours first" he sounded so sincere and a month ago, Riley would have been ecstatic for her best friend and uncle but now she just felt hollow.  
"You do what you need to do uncle Josh…" she said sadly. Josh stared at her, puzzled.  
"Will you support me if I do decide to ask Maya out?" he asked. She looked down, it wasn't like she had much choice.  
"Riley?" he prompted when she didn't reply. She still didn't reply and pulled out her phone, quickly looking at the time.  
"I want to" she promised, his face fell  
"But you won't?" he prompted again. She felt tears build up in her eyes  
"I… I got to go Uncle Josh, mum and dad want me home in half an hour"  
"You're with me they'll understand" he retorted. Riley took a deep breath  
"If you truly loved her my opinion shouldn't matter" he looked at her like she'd gone mad and in return she smiled before turning on her heel and walking away.

Riley was sat in her room, writing an assignment for English when Maya appeared at her bay window.  
"You and I need to talk" she commanded. Riley nodded and let her in. The blonde sat on the window and stared at Riley.  
"Josh told you what I said then?" she asked. Maya nodded, her face sad  
"You believe in love and fairy tales but don't believe in me and Josh, look I get it's weird- "  
"It's not that" Riley interrupted.  
"Then what?" Maya asked. Riley sat down and pulled her knees to her chest.  
"I don't know Maya… look if you want to be with uncle Josh as much as you do then like I told him my opinion shouldn't matter" Maya looked at her shocked. She had never heard anything as insane in her life, out of everyone Riley's opinion mattered most. She was Josh's niece and Maya's best friend; her approval would make them complete. When Maya said so Riley laughed and stood back up  
"I love you Maya"  
"I love you to Riles and that's why your opinion matters" Riley shut her eyelids, oh how she wished that Maya loved her but alas that would never be.  
"If you loved him you would stop wasting time with me, if you love him I want you to go and tell him right now and if it makes you happy I'll stand by you" Riley promised. Maya stood up and hugged her best friend, Riley felt her heart flutter  
"Thank you so much Riles" and then as quick as the wind Maya was gone.

Riley was dying inside, Maya had texted her and said that josh was willing to give the relationship a chance. Riley was trying to be happy for them but the thought of them hugging and kissing made her physically want to be sick. She knew that she had no right to feel the way that she did, Maya wasn't hers and she never would be so she should just let it go. Smackle had tried to talk to her but Riley had told her that it didn't matter. It did.

Josh and Maya had been dating for a month when Josh introduced them as boyfriend and girlfriend to Riley's grandparents. This had led to a family dinner at which Riley picked at her food miserably whilst Maya told everyone about her and Josh's first date. After a while she couldn't stand it any longer and excised herself to use the toilet, they all ignored her other than the quick 'okay' and continued to listen to Maya. Well that was all except Auggie, he had followed Riley into her room and sat at the bay window.  
"What do you want?" Riley asked irritably. Auggie looked at his sister and patted the space next to him.  
"I want to ask you something, I know you probably won't tell me the truth but I want to ask" he told her. Riley smiled at him gently  
"Go ahead"  
"Are you in love with Maya?" he asked. Riley laughed, she tried to sound natural but came off as nervous  
"Of course not" she protested. Auggie eyed her carefully  
"Then why do you look at her the same way mummy looks at daddy?" he criticked. Riley's face fell, she had no answer to that.  
"We were learning about LGBTQ at school today and I learnt that sometimes people don't even realise who they love until later in life and even if someone likes the same gender it doesn't mean they're ill. It means that they love someone and that should be respected" whilst he was talking Riley's eyes filled up with tears. She pulled her brother into a hug, marvelling at how mature he was.  
"I… I don't love her Auggie, I'm just experiencing some weird things right now and… I just… I need to figure things out" she promised. Auggie smiled at her  
"Would it help if you left the house and I made sure that they don't notice?" he asked. Riley laughed  
"Yeah… yeah that would help a lot Auggie" he smiled and kissed her forehead  
"I'll cover for you but you owe me ice cream"  
"I wouldn't have it any other way" she promised. Riley then turned to leave and as Auggie watched her go he remembered what his teacher had said

 _The worst kind of love is one that isn't reciprocated._

Riley walked around town for a while before ending up at a little coffee shop, she searched her pockets for change and found some then she grabbed a cup of hot chocolate and sat down in a booth. Pulling out her phone she texts Evan

 **Riley – I wish I never found out** **L**

 **Evan – Y?**

 **Riley – Blondes don't have the same appreciation for brunettes**

 **Evan – what happened?**

 **Riley – She's dating my uncle**

 **Evan – damn, I'm sorry!**

 **Riley – Me 2**

 **Evan – Look on the bright side, least u know**

Riley didn't reply, instead she just sipped her hot chocolate, silently contemplating her life decisions when someone slipped in the seat across from her.  
"Shouldn't you be with your family celebrating right now?"  
"Shouldn't you?" Riley replied, staring at the man. The man stared back, he looked haggard, like he hadn't slept in days which Riley supposed he wouldn't have been. Business was booming and he'd hardly had a minuet to himself.  
"What are you doing here uncle Shawn?" Riley asked. Shawn smiled at his god daughter.  
"Honestly? This is my favourite coffee shop and I needed caffeine" he admitted.  
"What are you doing here?" he asked. Riley shrugged, she indicated to her hot chocolate as if it held all the answers. Shawn just shook his head  
"I mean why aren't you with Maya?"  
"I don't need to be, she's with everyone else"  
"She wanted to be with you"  
"I wish" Riley scoffed. Shawn looked at her downtrodden figure, his eyebrows arched. He didn't answer, instead he opened his messages and showed them to her. There had to be at least a hundred messages detailing how Maya felt like she was losing Riley and how she contemplated breaking up with Josh to try and salvage her friendship with Riley.  
"She misses you Riley and she's not the only one, your parents have noticed your odd behaviour"  
"Why do you care uncle Shawn? You don't even like me" she retorted, venom laced her voice and Shawn felt his face drop.  
"Look I understand I have done wrong by you in the past but I thought we'd moved past this" he pleaded. Riley looked down  
"You're right… I'm sorry I'm just… I don't know whatever I shouldn't have lashed out" she apologised.

Shawn studied his niece, she looked like the world was crushing her down  
"Is it drugs?" he asked  
"Because if it is we can get you help"  
"It's nothing illegal uncle Shawn but you can't fix me" it was at that moment her phone lit up

 **Auggie – Dad knows you're not here!**

Riley sighed  
"I better face the music" Shawn  
"You promise it's nothing illegal?"  
"Promise" at that Shawn smiled and pulled out his phone, he rang Corey and told him that he had called Riley to discuss something about Maya and that she was with him and safe. When he was done, he turned to Riley  
"Whatever this Is you'll get through it" and then he payed for his drink and took Riley home.

That night Riley ignored texts and calls from everybody, instead she slept, dreaming of Maya the whole time.


	3. Chapter 3

Riley was finally coming to terms with the fact that she was gay, or bisexual when school began preparations for LGBTQ month and Riley was surprisingly cool with that. Smackle on the other hand was a nervous wreck, she was forever concerned with Riley's problem and as sweet as Riley thought that was it wasn't helping in the long run. It was due to this she told Farkle to keep Smackle occupied. She was happy to say that Farkle was so far, on the other hand if Smackle was here Maya wouldn't be and as such the entire awkward conversation wouldn't have taken place.

Riley had been staring at Lucas, who had been flirting with some girl when Maya walked over.  
"You know you could stop them flirting, you say the word and he would drop her for you" she said, flinging her arm around Riley. Riley felt her tummy fill with the annoying butterflies that she once associated with Lucas.  
"Why would I do that?" Riley asked. Maya laughed  
"I think it's obvious you still like him, why else would you be staring at him?"  
"Maybe I'm just happy he's moved on" Riley suggested. Maya frowned, she knew what she was going to say was harsh, but she felt that Riley needed to hear it.  
"Well if you were actually around you'd know that he can't move on" Riley looked down, she was being selfish, she knew that Maya had a point.  
"Not now Maya" Riley whispered. Maya frowned  
"Then when Riley? No one has seen you in weeks, you aren't yourself and we never know where you are. Shawn thinks you're on drugs or something and with the way you are I'm inclined to believe him" Maya whispered back.  
"Tonight, Topanga's" was Riley's answer before she walked away.

After school Riley sat in her usual seat at the shop as she waited for her friends. When they got there they sat down, silently. The silence that followed was deafening, Zay coughed

"well... this is awkward" riley chuckled at Zay but nobody else did.

"you're right Zay, look I know that I haven't been myself and I have no excuse for that, there is a reason, but I can't explain right now." Maya frowned

"why not?" Riley sighed. She wanted to tell them, but she just couldn't, how can she tell them she was in love with Maya? So, she chooses to say nothing. Maya glared at her best friend  
"Riley! We love you and we know you're not okay so please tell us what's wrong?" Maya pleaded. Riley frowned  
"I can't… not yet… please Maya just give me some time" Maya hung her head, Riley stood up  
"I'll be back soon… just give me some time please" and then the girl turned on her heel and left.

The next couple of days Riley spent her days with Smackle, they rarely talked, and Riley liked it like that. It meant she had time to think about her situation. It was obvious that the adults in he life were worried, her mother watched her like a hawk and her father had talked about bullying in class. Riley felt amused by their attempts to find out her issues, but the teen wouldn't tell. Instead she smiled to her face and told them she was fine. Since her talk with Maya the two hadn't talked much but Riley thought it was better that way. She knew it was selfish but the thought of being close too her tested Riley's self-restraint. That being said, she did check up on her best friend more than she would like to admit. As it was she was currently looking through her Facebook feed and was hit with a post she should've expected but didn't. There was a picture of Josh and Maya kissing with the caption

 _Playing the long game, Guess who won?_ _?_

Riley felt like she had been sucker punched in the heart. She knew of course that her uncle and best friend were dating but she had been blissfully ignorant of their relationship. She was staring at the picture when her phone rang. She looked down to see Evans number pop up on her screen.  
"Hello?" she answered. She heard some movement before the boy answered.  
"Hey… I saw Maya's Facebook picture… are you okay?" Riley scoffed  
"Wow, straight to the point" Riley comment. She heard him laugh lightly  
"Yeah, I guess… are you okay though?" Riley frowned.  
"I guess? I mean it hurts but it's not like she knows, hell even I'm not sure Evan…"  
"Riley… it's okay if you want to figure it out…. It's okay if you're not okay about Maya and your uncle. It's okay" he reassured her.  
Riley smiled through the phone  
"It's not..."  
"Have you thought about telling your family that you might not be straight?" he asked. Riley had thought about it, but something always held her back.  
"Just look at her Evan… she looks happy and I don't want to destroy that. I mean I might just be confused I don't know…" She heard some shouting on the other end of the line and she heard Evan yell that he was coming. Riley was concerned for a moment before the boy spoke to her.  
"Hey Riley? I'm really sorry but I've got to go it's past my curfew"  
"Alright, sleep tight and thank you"  
"No problem" and then the line disconnected.

Riley spent the rest lying in bed, thought ran around her head as fast as lightning McQueen and she felt herself sadden. She knew she shouldn't, but she missed Maya, the girl has been there for her through thick and thin and Maya was the only one that could help her through figuring out who she was. If only said girl wasn't the object of Riley's heart. Riley was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't hear the knock at her window straight away. At first, she ignored it but eventually caved in and looked to see who was knocking on her window so late. Her heart stopped when she saw Maya, it looked like her best friend missed her as well.


End file.
